Interview with memoirist Jackie M. Stebbins

My special guest today is Jackie M. Stebbins to chat about her memoir, Unwillable: A Journey to Reclaim My Brain.

During her virtual book tour, Jackie will be awarding a custom #StebbinsStrong t-shirt (US only) to a randomly drawn winner. To be entered for a chance to win, use the form below. To increase your chances of winning, feel free to visit her other tour stops and enter there, too!

Bio:
Jackie M. Stebbins was living her dream as a nationally recognized family law, criminal defense, and civil litigator. But Stebbins’s career as a lawyer abruptly ended in May 2018, when she was diagnosed with a rare brain illness, autoimmune encephalitis. Stebbins persevered to make a remarkable recovery and turned herself into an author and motivational speaker. Stebbins is the author of Unwillable: A Journey to Reclaim My Brain, the JM Stebbins blog and hosts the Brain Fever podcast. Stebbins’s side hustle includes raising three lovely children with her wonderful husband, Sean, in Bismarck, North Dakota, and in her leisure time she can be found reading, trying to be funny, and aqua jogging.

Please tell us about your current release.
Unwillable (Wisdom Editions, May 2022) is a dream come true for me, but in all honesty, for most of my life, it was an unknown dream. Unwillable is a memoir that I was “forced” to write. In 2018, I was a successful trial lawyer, the senior partner at my own law firm, and a wife and mother to two young children. I thought I had life by the tail and believed I was living my ultimate dream. A dream that began when I was in fifth grade and read my first John Grisham book. But on May 8, 2018, I left my law firm in search of a “week’s break,” believing that I was struggling with burnout, anxiety, and insomnia from the stress of my work. In the terrifying weeks, I admitted myself into the psychiatric ward, had full body tremors, went into cognitive failure, couldn’t draw a clock, had no memory, and began having seizures. I was finally diagnosed with a rare brain illness, autoimmune encephalitis.

When I woke up from my nightmare and my brain was turned back on by intravenous steroids, I had to try to understand this devastating illness, my near-death experience, and that I would never return to my beloved job or law firm. And as I learned about autoimmune encephalitis, I simultaneously learned about a NYT #1 bestselling book about my illness, called Brain on Fire. I vowed to write my own book to share my story and raise more awareness about this rare and can be deadly illness.

I struggled to stay alive and manage my health for one full year before I embarked upon my memoir-writing endeavor. From the start date to the publication date, it took me almost exactly three years. When it was published on May the Fourth be with you, I took it as a good omen.

What inspired you to write this book?
I was inspired in part by my life’s destruction by autoimmune encephalitis, in part by my hope to heal, and in part because of how Brain on Fire aided in my own diagnosis.

I don’t have an exact memory of when I began saying that I too would write a book about autoimmune encephalitis to follow in Brain on Fire’s footsteps. My husband and mother diligently helped me during my frightening onset and long-term recovery, but no one remembers when I first declared that I was also going to write a book. We all just remember that once I found out about Brain on Fire, I was adamant that I would pen my memoir (which was a pretty gutsy move coming off of an illness that impaired and injured my brain).

Prior to my autoimmune encephalitis onset, I had never, ever considered writing a book. But once my life was derailed, I think I intuitively knew that in order to heal and rebuild my life, I would need to take control of my narrative. Writing Unwillable, quite literally helped me survive and recover from autoimmune encephalitis. It was also essential for me to regain my confidence and rebuild my life.

Brain on Fire was not only important to me personally as the inspiration to write my book, it actually helped save my life as my neurologist referenced it to my family when he diagnosed me. With that in mind, I hoped Unwillable could help save someone else’s life or aid them in their overwhelming recovery.

Excerpt from Unwillable:
“While my complete stay isn’t embedded in my memory, because of what the illness was doing to my brain, my time there will never be forgotten because of its place in my life’s story. That experience definitively marks where I’m right at the edge between a well-educated, successful, driven, independent, and thriving woman and an incapacitated person, powerless and relegated to the care of those around her, on the brink of brain damage or death without the intervention of the correct diagnosis. And a small part of me now believes I then understood that I was teetering on a life-altering and explosive line. But that same small part of me can’t say whether, for the first time in my life, I believed my situation to be unwillable. Perhaps my own will would not be enough.

“I will always remember crawling into bed the first night, ragged with emotion, and the racing thoughts my mind was still able to conjure up. The questions pulsed through my silent tears. What the hell happened to me? . . . I cannot possibly belong here. I haven’t led a life that would lead me to this dysfunction. I was doing so well. . . . I’m the senior partner at my law firm. I’ve never before had a problem with mental health. . . . Why am I at rock bottom? How the hell did I end up in a psychiatric ward?”

What exciting project are you working on next?
A year after my onset, I created my company, JM Stebbins, LLC, with the goal of spreading awareness about autoimmune encephalitis through writing and speaking. My health updates on Caringbridge turned into the JM Stebbins blog, which I usually release every Tuesday. My blogging focuses on chronic health, resilience, happiness, humor, and the twists and turns of life. As a now fully recovered trial lawyer and active writer, I love seeing the world through my new eyes. I’m always on the lookout for the perfect scene to match what I always pair with a perfect song (which becomes the blog title).

As I worked on Unwillable, my husband convinced me to start a podcast to have another forum to spread awareness about autoimmune encephalitis. The Brain Fever podcast enjoys a global following and is a great source of pride for me and knowledge for others. I also love to speak to local groups and large crowds about my story and resilience.

I’m currently working on my second book which is part memoir and part guidebook about law school. Once that’s finished, I plan to deliver Unwillable’s sequel, which I’m thrilled about. I also dabble in ideas for devotionals and journals, and I wrote a novella as part of NaNoWriMo in 2022. It was super cliché (a big city lawyer who has given up on love returns home and falls in love with a fireman who was burned by his only relationship) so I’m not sure if any other eyes will ever see it!

When did you first consider yourself a writer?
During the final days of Unwillable’s copy edit process, I sent my book bio to my beloved copyeditor, Rick. In that bio, I called myself a “writer.” It was then Rick told me I could change that to “author.” That was a pivotal moment for me. Even though I knew the book was headed for publication, had been blogging for a few years, and had spent my entire professional life writing briefs as a trial lawyer, I still didn’t really see myself as a writer, much less a real-life author. But I cannot lie, I now love to be called an author.

Do you write full-time? If so, what’s your workday like? If not, what do you do other than write and how do you find time to write?
If I could write at least four hours per day, every day, I would. I truly love to write and feel like I’m getting my feet really wet in the craft. However, I also have chronic health conditions to manage, three young children, a husband, my website, my podcast, my blogs, contributing articles I work on, media interviews about autoimmune encephalitis, and marketing Unwillable. Unfortunately, my desire to write is sometimes tempered by what my life allows.

I prefer writing in the mornings in my home office where I’m surrounded by Elton John memorabilia and music. But in my busy life, I have to write when I can and when I have some quiet time away from the kiddos. I usually only work on my larger writing projects when I can get a decent block of time and am in my workspace, but I crank out blogs whenever the muse hits (usually while walking, swimming, or showering). A small laptop and random funny notebooks always accompany me to my kids’ activities, my clinic visits, and when I travel.

What would you say is your interesting writing quirk?
I write in a lot of jokes and they’re usually in parenthesis. In hindsight, the jokes are never as funny as when they flowed out of me and usually get cut. But I still try!

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I first read John Grisham’s book The Client in fifth grade and from there I was totally hooked on becoming a lawyer. The only two detours I took in high school were to join the FBI (which led me back to law school) and to become a motivational speaker (which my mom gently told me I first needed a career and then a special story). Lucky for me, I lived my dream as a trial lawyer. And now I’m also living that old dream of becoming a motivational speaker and a dream I didn’t know I had, to become a published author.

Anything additional you want to share with the readers?
Unwillable was born from destruction and grief. It was traumatic to interview my mother, husband, and a few close friends to be able to piece my story together. It was also painful to relive the gory details time and time again through the writing process. But the final product, a published memoir, brings me great joy and gives others hope that there is new life after this illness.

There are countless books about medical journeys and resilience, but Unwillable stands next to Brain on Fire about a young woman’s battle with the rare, debilitating, horror story brain illness, autoimmune encephalitis. And for that I’m so proud.

Links:
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