Writer Claudia Marseille chats with me about her memoir, But You Look So Normal: Lost and Found in a Hearing World.
Bio:
At age four, Claudia Marseille was diagnosed with a severe hearing loss. With determination and the help of powerful hearing aids, she learned to hear, speak and lipread. She was mainstreamed in public schools in Berkeley, CA. After earning master’s degrees in archaeology and in public policy, and finally an MFA, she developed a career in photography and painting, a profession compatible with a hearing loss. Claudia ran a fine art portrait photography studio for fifteen years before becoming a full-time painter. Her paintings are represented by the Seager Gray gallery in Mill Valley, CA.
She has played classical piano much of her life; in her free time she loves to read, watch movies, travel, spend time with friends, and attend concerts and art exhibits. She and her husband live in Oakland, CA. and have one grown daughter.
Welcome, Claudia. Please tell us about your current release.
By age four, I had hardly uttered a word. Finally, my parents learned I had a severe-to-profound hearing loss. They chose to mainstream me, hoping this would offer me the most “normal” childhood possible. With the help of a primitive hearing aid, I worked hard to learn to hear, lipread, and speak, but I tried to hide my disability in order to fit in. As a result, I was often misunderstood, lonely, and isolated—fitting into neither the hearing world nor the Deaf culture.
This memoir also explores my relationships with my German refugee parents—a disturbed, psychoanalyst father and a Jewish mother, survivor of the Holocaust in Munich. I share how I emerged from loneliness and social isolation, explored my Jewish identity, struggled to find a career compatible with hearing loss, and eventually opened myself to a life of creativity and love.
But You Look So Normal is the inspiring story of a life affected but not defined by an invisible disability. It is a journey through family, loss, shame, identity, love, and healing as I finally, joyfully, find my place in the world.
What inspired you to write this book?
In the past few years I have been reflecting on the different influences that have greatly shaped who I am — my severe hearing loss, and my European heritage. At the same time, many of my friends have recently been complaining about their age-related hearing loss. Some say to me: “Oh now I know what it was like for you growing up with a hearing loss.” And, as sympathetic as I am to anyone dealing with hearing loss of any sort, I say to myself: “No, you really don’t.” My loss was severe and the hearing aids of my childhood were quite primitive analog aids, nothing like the sophisticated digital hearing aids of today. So I wanted to give people an inside glimpse into the many ways that hearing loss can affect one’s life that so many people simply aren’t aware of. I hope that my memoir fosters compassion and understanding for those with differences in abilities, and offers hope and inspiration to others by showing that one can overcome considerable odds and still live a life rich with creativity and love.
What exciting project are you working on next?
Besides working steadily as an abstract painter, my primary profession, I am working on some flash non-fiction pieces; short vignettes of my life, memories and impressions that are not covered in my memoir. Right now they are mainly journal entries. We’ll see where all that goes!
When did you first consider yourself a writer?
I came to writing later in life. I have always been a voracious reader; books were my precious friends and my teachers, showing me how the world works and how people think. Because of my hearing loss, my speaking vocabulary was behind that of my peers until the end of high school. Because of that I assumed I couldn’t be a writer. Now, finally, finding the words to write about my experience of hearing loss has been a healing and corrective experience for me.
Do you write full-time? If so, what’s your workday like? If not, what do you do other than write and how do you find time to write?
No, I do not write full-time. I have been a professional photographer and now abstract painter for the past 40 years. But writing is a great change from painting, and so I write during times I set aside during the week.
What would you say is your interesting writing quirk?
People have often asked whether my artwork has informed my writing. Working abstractly, I wouldn’t say that my painting has influenced my writing in terms of content. But I find the process of writing and painting surprisingly similar. I let what wants to emerge arise without initially censoring anything. Then I use my critical faculties to refine and edit the work until it resonates and I feel it is “done”.
As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
My parents were very into classical music and I started piano lessons at an early age. Interestingly, I was able to play despite my hearing loss as my hearing aids amplified the sounds sufficiently. I took great joy in playing and as a teenager I very much wanted to be a musician. But as I started to perform chamber music with others, I realized, to my great disappointment, that I just couldn’t distinguish the other instruments from the piano well enough. And even the low notes of the piano sound muddy. So that led to my journey to find a profession compatible with a hearing loss.
Anything additional you want to share with the readers?
I am so grateful to the arts–music, the visual arts and literature–to enhancing my life and those of so many others. It can truly transform our experiences of being in the world, and who we are as individuals and as a society.
Links:
Author website | Painting website | Facebook | Instagram | Amazon