My special guest today is Kanchan Bhaskar to chat with me about her memoir, Leaving: How I set myself free from domestic abuse.
Bio:
Kanchan Bhaskar was born and brought up in New Delhi, India, in a progressive environment. She has a master’s degree in social work and a postgraduate certificate in personnel management and industrial relations. While pursuing her studies, she has worked with people in rural areas, slums, resettlement colonies, red-light districts, and later in the industrial sector, which, she says, kept her humble and grounded and provided her with a broader perspective on life.
In 1987, Kanchan started her professional career in human resources at a global company. In 2000, she moved to New York, USA. During her career, Kanchan has spent nearly twenty years in transformational HR, primarily working with individuals on strengths development through training, mentoring, and coaching. She is a certified business coach.
Kanchan is a voracious reader of fiction, non-fiction, and business books. Music, she says, is her passion which keeps her connected to her soul. Her inquisitiveness to understand cultures and ethnicities has taken her to travel to Asia and Europe.
Although a survivor of domestic violence, Kanchan prefers to call herself a fighter. Kanchan is a certified Advocate, speaker, and coach for people of domestic abuse. She is blessed with three loving children, a daughter and twin boys, well settled in their lives in the USA. Kanchan lives in Chicago.
Welcome, Kanchan. Please tell us a little bit about your memoir.
I grew up in New Delhi, India, and my dreams were built on the romance and jubilation in which I was brought up. I imagined my married life to be as blissful and tender as that of my parents, who truly cherished and treasured each other and nurtured their four offspring with love and warmth. They lived more as partners than as a traditional Indian husband and wife.
Having been raised in this progressive environment, I acquired a unique perception of life: that a woman is an equal partner in a marriage, one to be honored and valued. Marriage meant love, companionship, and caring. I couldn’t fathom it being any other way. Violence of any kind in a marriage was unthinkable. A woman was to be respected—period.
My future husband would not share these perceptions. I found myself in an arranged marriage to a bright and deceptively charming man who revealed his true nature only after our wedding. The first time he hit me, my world spun upside down. When it righted, I had gotten myself stuck in a tumultuous, abusive relationship with a narcissistic alcoholic in whose captivity I was trapped for more than twenty years.
The desperate mother of three innocent children who were casualties of these circumstances, I had to get away, but my escape had to be carefully planned with no room for error. If I divorced, I’d lose one or all of my children to the man I needed to escape, which was not an option.
There had to be a way out.
I searched until I found it.
This story narrates how I built a ramp to climb out of the abyss, little by little, using myriad tools to bring me closer to freedom. Although I was alone in my fight for survival, I had deep faith in the higher power who presented me with collaborators in the form of angels and mentors to light my way. My work was slow but steady. The ramp collapsed a few times and had to be rebuilt, stronger. I shaped myself into a resilient woman, a tigress who could fend for her cubs. It wasn’t easy and each day was a struggle, yet I remained determined in my single mission to protect my children and provide them with the best, as I had been provided. This focus gave me the courage and spirit to keep forging ahead, relentlessly.
Belief in self and belief in the Universe became my weapons of ultimate escape, the foundation for my liberation and re-earned dignity.
The story doesn’t stop with gaining my freedom but describes my continuing journey on the path of spirituality. In this book, I share my dawning realizations and the period of self-resurgence that resulted in a triumphant, purpose- driven life.
Belief in spirituality provided the foundation and a new beginning on the path toward emancipation of mind and soul. Today a free woman, I’m happily settled in Chicago, living life on my own terms. I walk with my head high and chin up. The first flowers of spring in their divine colors make me smile.
I can laugh again at a joke, find stillness in trees, and plan without fear, making up for the lost time.
What inspired you to write this book?
I was never into writing, nor did I have the urge. My children were after me for a long time to write my story of escaping the trap of domestic violence and bringing it to the world at a time in life when I felt liberated, on the path to spiritualism, a seeker, looking for my purpose in life. I never gave it a serious thought until the day my therapist suggested, “Kanchan, you need to share your compelling story of escape, which may help other victims. Become an advocate for people of domestic abuse. That’s your purpose”. My eyes teared, and her words inspired me to share my story of hope, desire, grit, empowerment, and transformation. That was my moment of truth. I could feel in my gut that this was my true purpose, and from then on, there was no looking back.
Writing my story and reaching out to people of domestic abuse and those in adversity is my true calling, my mission, and my way of giving back to the community. It is an inspiring story of relentlessness and resilience, of transcendence from a survivor to a thriver, living a life of joy and progress. It stimulates me to reach out to those who are trapped, who are not able to speak up, who want to be free but do not know ‘How,’ for those who are free but don’t know how to take the next steps and move on in life. It’s motivating and energizing to foresee one, two, or three people transforming from a victim to a survivor and contributing to making society a happy and safe place to live.
What exciting project are you working on next?
I am volunteering as an advocate for people of domestic violence besides being busy with the book promotions. The intent is for the book to reach the right hands at the right time. Even if I am able to save one or two lives from committing suicide, or being a prey of homicide or landing in a mental asylum through my story of escaping and transforming, my life will be fulfilled.
When did you first consider yourself a writer?
I never did. I still do not. Writing the memoir was a mission that I have completed but my work begins now. I loved the process of writing my thoughts and expressing myself. I plan on doing it again. Now, I know why some writers keep writing one book after another as it is an addiction of the sorts.
Do you write full-time? If so, what’s your workday like? If not, what do you do other than write and how do you find time to write?
No, I don’t write full time. I am a full time HR professional for thirty-plus years working with fortune 500 companies. My expertise is in training, mentoring and coaching. I write after office hours.
What would you say is your interesting writing quirk?
I don’t consider it as much of a quirk but I get up in the middle of night with my thoughts and start writing. It brings me a greater sense of achievement when I do that.
As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
When I was growing up, not many women were in profession. Flying planes was my dream. When I grew up, getting happily married, having number of children and nurturing them became my desire.
Anything additional you want to share with the readers?
I am a born optimist, which is a blessing. I like to take challenges, make them a mission, project a road map and get there. I am a fun loving person, who likes to live life to the fullest. I have a Maltese poodle, Fifi and most recently I brought home a reddish brown mini poodle, Coco.