I’m wrapping up the week with writing duo Linda and Charlie Bloom. We’re chatting about their self-help book, An End to Arguing: 101 Valuable Lessons for All Relationships.
Their book just released they are in the midst of a virtual tour with Wow! Women on Writing. You can visit their other tour stops to learn more. Calendar and links are below.
Bio:
Linda Bloom, LCSW and Charlie Bloom, MSW have been married since 1972. Trained as psychotherapists and relationship counselors, they have worked with individuals, couples, groups, and organizations since 1975 and have lectured and taught at learning institutes throughout the USA and internationally, including the Esalen Institute, the Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health, Northern California Mindfulness Institute, The California Institute for Integral Studies, and the World Health Organization. They have authored five books, including the best seller, 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last (over 100,000 sold), Secrets of Great Marriages, Happily Ever After… and 39 Other Myths about Love, That which Doesn’t Kill Us: How One Couple Became Stronger at the Broken Places, and An End to Arguing: 101 Valuable Lessons for All Relationships. They are founders and co-directors of Bloomwork, based in Santa Cruz, California.
What inspired you to write this book?
My husband and I are so happily married now, but there was a time when we did not handle our differences well. We were hot-heads, and when a difficult issue challenged us where we are at odds, our unskillful fighting style almost broke up our family. Charlie was working in a corporation that put large demands on his time and energy when our children was quite young and I was left to bring them up alone a great deal of the time. He wouldn’t leave his dream job and I couldn’t handle my resentment. We got good help and managed to get through one of the worst times of my life, until he finally resigned from the company without the family breaking apart. I have been determined to do my best to offer the practical wisdom that we have learned from our own experience, and from that of our clients and students, to put it together in a reader-friendly package that is our new book.
Excerpt from An End to Arguing:
Just Hang in There—But For How Long?
The opening line of the chorus of the Kenny Rogers song, “The Gambler”, goes: “You gotta know when to hold ‘em, and when to fold ‘em.” The same could be said about marriage. At what point do we decide that a marriage is no longer viable?
It does seem that over the last couple of generations, that there has been a swing from the idea of hanging in there until “death do us part” to an extreme reaction to assert one’s right to end a marriage for practically any reason. Having the opportunity to choose to opt out of a dead relationship is certainly, by just about any measure, preferable to being trapped in a hopeless situation.
We’ve seen many couples who have chosen to end their marriages without having given the relationship their very best shot. We’ve also seen couples that have stayed in unhealthy relationships much longer than is good for either of them. Some cancers exist in the body for years before the symptoms emerge. The same can be true for many marriages. And early detection is crucial in both cases.
The time to deal with our grievances is when we first become aware of them. At this stage of the game issues are much more responsive to our efforts and more manageable in scope.
We have also seen couples who waited too long. Their marriages could have been saved if it hadn’t taken them so long to get help. Many people have told us “If I knew then what I know now, I’d still be married.” What it is that they wish they had known has to do with ways of more skillfully managing differences.
Some marriages don’t deserve to be saved and some couples are truly mismatched. Some situations are genuinely unworkable. Yet in our experience, there are many more people who quit before they have done all they can do, than those who stay in a broken marriage too long.
The willingness to raise the difficult questions, express concerns, share feelings, and confront issues directly and openly is the best way to prevent the possibility of a long drawn out, deterioration of a relationship. The willingness to confront the serious concerns with or without professional help, is the best marriage insurance there is. Doing so won’t insure that your marriage will last till death do you part, but it will insure that regardless of the outcome, you will have the knowledge that you’ve done your absolute best. At the very least, the two of you will have brought a deeper level of integrity and truthfulness into your lives. And if you do divorce, the recovery period for both partners will be shorter and less painful than it would be otherwise. And by the way, you will also have increased the likelihood of not only staying together, but of deepening the love that brought you together in the first place.
Find more tips like this in our new book an End to Arguing: 101 Valuable Lessons for All Relationships. CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE
What exciting project are you working on next?
The next book that we will publish will come out this spring and called, Love in the Time of Crisis: Tools for Relationships in Changing Times
It is a book about using the big challenges and crises of our lives as growth opportunities.
When did you first consider yourself a writer?
I was 57 years old when our first book, 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married was published. I was shocked to find that it became a runaway best seller, selling over 100,000 copies. My identity was transformed by the success of the book to expanded from my other professional identities of psychotherapist, couples’ counselor and workshop leader, to include author. Becoming a published author opened up a whole new world to me, and for that, I am deeply grateful.
Do you write full-time? If so, what’s your workday like? If not, what do you do other than write and how do you find time to write?
It’s quite challenging to find time to write because I still see a caseload of clients for counseling and teach workshops with my husband Charlie at Esalen Institute in Big Sur, Ca and Kripalu Yoga Center in Lenox, MA. I keep a pad of paper on my night stand and sometimes get inspired in the middle of the night or early in the morning and write down notes in long hand that I type up later in the day. When my husband and I go on writing retreats, that’s when we are most productive and enjoy the writing process the most. It is so luxurious to be in a lovely setting without distractions. We get so much done in a relaxed way. When we go on vacation, I always take material that I am writing because the vacation is so much more satisfying to me if it is composed of some work and play.
What would you say is your interesting writing quirk?
A characteristic trait of my writing is to get very personal with my readers. It has held me in good stead, just as my personal sharing when teaching and doing counseling has done. When I tell my own before and after stories, there is a bond with my readers. They know me personally and trust me because they can plainly see that I have been in the trenches of relationship challenges and lived to tell the tale. They have confidence in what I offer in my writing because I am willing to get vulnerable and tell them that if they are finding relationships hard, welcome to the club. Relationships can be quite difficult at times, but these challenges make us who we become, stronger at the broken places.
As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be a ballerina when I was a little girl. I still dance almost every day of my life. I never thought I would ever end up being a teacher and a writer. Life is full of surprises.
Anything additional you want to share with the readers?
Thank you, Lisa Haselton, for helping to get the word out about this supremely important subject. And to the readers, I assure you that if you study and learn so you can implement the lessons about handling difference well from our book, your life will improve tremendously. I would love to hear from you about your growth as a result of reading the book.
All the best;
Linda Bloom
Thanks for being here today!
Links:
Website | Linda’s LinkedIn | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | YouTube | Tumblr
Blog Tour Calendar
February 20 @ The Muffin
Join us at The Muffin as we celebrate the launch of An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom. Read an interview with the authors and enter to win a copy of the book. https://muffin.wow-womenonwriting.com
February 21st @ Create Write Now
Join Mari when she shares a guest post written by Linda and Charlie Bloom about moving from fear to fearlessness. https://createwritenow.com/
February 23rd @ World of my Imagination
Visit Nicole’s blog for her review of An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom. https://worldofmyimagination.com
February 24th HERE!
February 25th @ The Mommies Review
Join Glenda for her review of An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom. http://www.themommiesreviews.com/
February 28th @ Mindy McGinnis’ Blog
Join Mindy for a guest post by Linda and Charlie Bloom about repairing trust when it’s broken. https://www.mindymcginnis.com/blog
March 1st @ Lady Unemployed
Visit Nicole’s blog for a guest post by Linda and Charlie Bloom about the foundational building blocks of all successful relationships. https://ladyunemployed.com
March 5th @ Rachael’s Thoughts
Visit Rachael’s blog for her reflections on Linda and Charlie Bloom’s book An End to Arguing. https://rachaelstray.com/
March 5th @ Choices
Visit Madeline’s blog for a guest post by authors Linda and Charlie Bloom about the art of committed listening. http://www.madelinesharples.com/
March 7th @ In Literary Love
Jen will be featuring An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie bloom on her Instagram page today. https://www.instagram.com/inliterarylove/
March 9th @ The Frugalista Mom
Join Rochie for her review of An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom. You’ll also have the chance to win a copy of the book too! https://thefrugalistamom.com/
March 10th @ Strength 4 Spouses
Read Wendi’s blog for her insights about An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom. https://strength4spouses.blog/
March 12th @ A Storybook World
Join Deirdra for a guest post by Linda and Charlie Bloom entitled,”Should I stay or should I go?”. http://www.astorybookworld.com/
March 13th @ Katherine Itacy’s Blog
Join Katherine for her review of An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom. https://katherineitacy.com/
March 14th @ Strength 4 Spouses
Come by Wendi’s blog again for a guest post by Linda and Charlie Bloom about why you shouldn’t choose your battles. https://strength4spouses.blog/
March 15th @ Liberate and Lather
Angela will be reviewing An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom. https://www.instagram.com/liberateandlather
March 18th @ Free to be Me
Join Leslie as she reviews An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom. https://www.lesliesvoice.com
March 19th @ Balance and Joy
Visit Sheri’s blog for her thoughts about An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom. https://balanceandjoy.com/
March 20th @ Lisa’s Reading
Join Lisa to read her review of An End to Arguing by Linda and Charlie Bloom. https://lisasreading.com/