Interview with writer Jay Armstrong about his memoir

Writer Jay Armstrong joins me today to chat about his memoir, Bedtime Stories for the Living.

During his virtual book tour, Jay will be giving away a $10 Amazon or Barnes and Noble (winner’s choice) gift card to a lucky randomly drawn winner. To be entered for a chance to win, use the form below. To increase your chances of winning, feel free to visit his other tour stops and enter there, too!

Bio:

In 2013, Jay Armstrong was diagnosed with diffuse cerebellar atrophy. A condition that causes dysfunctional motor skills, speech and vision impairments, and balance deficiencies. At the time of diagnosis, he was establishing himself as an endeared high school English teacher, a varsity soccer coach, and an above average dancer. However, the progressive disorder forced Jay to reevaluate his life.

Supported by his high school sweetheart turned wife (Cindy) and their three children (Haley, Chase, Dylan), Jay retired from teaching in 2021 to pursue his dream of becoming an author.

Jay believes in the power of storytelling. He also believes in dad jokes, laughter, and  the unrelenting pursuit of dreams. Jay’s debut book, Bedtime Stories for the Living, is an episodic memoir in which Jay shows his children how to accept their limitations and find joy. The collection of tender, witty stories about fatherhood, persevering despite illness, and pursuing your dreams, demonstrates how love gives us the strength to face heartache with bravery, humor, and grace.

Born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Jay is passionate about Philly sports, soft pretzels, and Rocky Balboa.

Welcome, Jay. Please tell us about your current release.
Here’s the blurb: Jay Armstrong had big dreams. Barely in the prime of life, the thirty-four-year-old husband and dad expected the doctor’s call to be no big deal. But after learning to his horror that a degenerative disease was putting a hole in his brain, he fought to make every second count and build a legacy for his kids.

Watching the hourglass slide toward empty, Jay rode an emotional rollercoaster as he defied his prognosis and mystified doctors. And in the soul-searing task of recording himself for his children before it was too late, he learned how to savor each moment of vulnerability, laughter, and wild dream-chasing…. and then let it go.

In this collection of insightful introspection, Jay recounts his journey through whatever fate threw at him. And as he weaves the story of his struggles, triumphs, and all the heartache in between, he demonstrates an impossible courage that will leave you teary-eyed and inspired.

Bedtime Stories for the Living is a heart-wrenching and raw memoir. If you like brave narrators, witty observations, and lessons on finding the positive, then you’ll be moved by Jay Armstrong’s love letter to the future.

What inspired you to write this book?
When I got diagnosed, and was told I had an incurable disease, life became very urgent. How long did I have left? What if I never fulfill my dream of writing a book? What if I never have the opportunity to tell my children about their dad?

Those were the questions that inspired me to write this book.

 

Excerpt from Bedtime Stories for the Living:
There is something you should know. In the history of my ordinary suburban life, I’ve never told any of my three children a bedtime story. Not telling your child a bedtime story seems like a major dad offense. Like forgetting them at Target or wearing a clown costume to “Back-to-School Night” or letting them swim twenty-six minutes after lunch.

Do I love my children?

On most days I do.

On most days, like you, they’re decent people. So why didn’t I tell them bedtime stories?

Selfishly, I don’t like the pressure. The nightlight. The slow swirl of the ceiling fan blades. Their big eyes staring up at me, expecting me to entertain them, to stir their imagination. Who do they think I am? Bruce Springsteen? No. I’m a dad who gets his sushi from a supermarket. I wear sneakers with khaki pants. I once taught high school English in New Jersey. I mean, to be creative and tell a story on demand is down-right stressful. Who need​​s that kind of stress after 9 pm?

My parents were better parents. When I was a kid, Mom and Dad would tuck me into bed and tell me stories about my grandfathers and grandmothers, about how Mom and Dad met, or about playing stickball in narrow Philadelphia streets. Bedtime stories were history. They brought my little universe into focus, shaped my identity, and instilled a love of storytelling.

As good suburban boys do, I fell in love, got married, and had three kids. Just when things were going as planned, in 2013, I was diagnosed with a progressive brain disease called diffuse cerebellar atrophy. The disease degenerates my motor skills, balance, coordination, eyesight, and speech. A fall can lead to a head injury and weakening esophageal muscles to choking and asphyxiation, and so on—a veritable smorgasbord of potentially fatal complications. Two years later, sarcoidosis, a complicated autoimmune disorder that attacks every major body organ, was added to my list of health issues.

It was only when the prospect of death became real that I began writing.

In 2015, I created Write On Fight On (writeonfighton.org), and for the next five years I wrote and posted bedtime stories I never told my kids. By writing these stories, I began to reexamine who I once was, who I am now, and the man and father I hoped to one day grow up to be. Writing made me realize, in the face of our inevitable death, our time to tell our story is painfully brief. And that we should make like Springsteen and do what we can to achieve our dreams.

As I wrote this book, time passed. The kids grew up. My diseases progressed. People I love died. And one spring morning, standing in the driveway with my hands in my pockets, time’s yellow chariot turned the corner. The air brakes exhaled, “Bye Dad” was said, and as the bus, my children, and a swirl of exhaust smoke disappeared down the street, I realized the irony of my effort. I was trying to preserve time while it was passing like a school bus in the morning. We can’t stop time. We can only slow time by doing what we love. Doing the things that make us feel alive. And I have never been more alive than when telling a story.

This is a book of bedtime stories for the living. Stories that, if I did my job well, slow time, and make you and me glad to be alive. These stories are real. Or as real as memory allows them to be. As I discovered, life is both a funny and a heartbreaking experience. These stories are the moments I want to share with you because I believe, deep in my dad heart, we all have stories worth sharing.

I came across an article about how, in the mid 1990’s, Dr. Marshall Duke and Dr. Robyn Fivush of Emory University developed and conducted a twenty question survey of children entitled, “Do You Know” which asked them about their families. The results showed that the more stories, both positive and negative, the children knew about their family’s history, the more resilient the children tended to be. As the study concluded, knowing family stories was “the single best predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness.” For better or worse, our family stories help us navigate our own troubles. Stories gift us courage when we’re afraid, offer direction when we’re lost, or comfort when we’re lonely.

Dear reader, please know that I’m humbled you are reading this book. Thank you. I hope my stories help you, give you permission to dream, and maybe give you the strength to tell your own stories. I hope you paid full price for this book because college for three ain’t free.

But if this book doesn’t offer my children financial prosperity, more than anything, this book is a gift for them. It’s a family history, an instruction manual, an honest reflection about a fleeting moment, a smile, a glance, and the goodnight kiss I often failed to give them.

Maybe one day, when they’re lost or confused or angry or sad or daydreaming about the prom queen, they will open this book and read a story or one of the letters I’ve written to them. Maybe my words will let them hear my voice again. Feel my lips pressed against their ears. And maybe they’ll know they’re not alone. That Dad is here. With them. Helping them through life forever.

 

What exciting story are you working on next?
The next book I’m writing for my children is about creating lasting change. The life expectancy of a US male is 80 years old. Which means at 42 years old, when I started the book, I’m closer to death than birth. This terrifies and thrills me. There’s a real urgency to life now I realize I need to pivot. And as strange as this sounds, my disease is helping me change. My disease has forced me to reevaluate my life and do the most difficult of human things…change.

I think the older you get, the harder it is to change. Yet learning to change is necessary for survival. I see a lot of middle-aged people that are reluctant to change, which ultimately leads to unhappiness. And I don’t want to be unhappy.

When did you first consider yourself a writer?
Accepting I was a writer was difficult. I mean, if you’re a writer you dance with doubt every day. You never think you’re good enough or sold enough books to be called a writer. You play a dangerous game of comparing your work and success to others. This of course is foolish. You are a writer when you’re writing.  Period. But I didn’t think of myself as a writer until other people, including my children, started introducing me as “a writer” to other people. I know it’s silly, but I guess I needed validation from others to consider myself a writer.

Do you write full-time? If so, what’s your work day like? If not, what do you do other than write and how do you find time to write?
I retired from public school teaching in October of 2020. Since then, I write every day. Some days, I can only muster a few awful sentences that are eventually changed or deleted. On these days I tend to read more, exercise longer, and eat a lot of Peanut M&M’s. Yet there are some glorious days when the muse finds me, brings lunch, and I write for hours. No matter the length of the writing session, I think it’s important to flex the writer’s muscles every day.

What would you say is your interesting writing quirk?
When stuck, I go to the supermarket. Maybe it’s the neatly arranged produce, the perfectly aligned shelves, the bustle of carts, the buzz of commerce, or the checkerboard floor. When I’m struggling to write, I often wander the supermarket. I know it’s weird. But the supermarket swirls with the stuff of good writing. An urgent journey, sensory imagery, and conflict. Everyone is hunting. And everyone has a desire, a craving, a coupon, and a need to be somewhere else.

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I always wanted to be a writer. I just thought having people read and be entertained by your stories was the coolest thing ever. However, when I was in college, I was working for the college paper. I was pressed with deadlines and critiqued by editors. I questioned if I really wanted to be a writer. I never fell out of love with writing but I questioned if I was good enough to be a writer.

So I did the logical thing for someone suffering this internal dilemma, I became a high school English teacher.

For 17 years I taught writing and encouraged my students to write. All the while, I was failing at encouraging myself to write. Then I got sick. Then life became suddenly urgent. Then I retired from teaching and decided to become what I always wanted to be– a writer.

Anything additional you want to share with the readers?
I would just like to thank everyone who has supported my writing over the years. Thank you for buying my book, visiting my blog, and telling other people about my writing. I hope my stories have provided you with comfort, courage, and companionship. Because your messages, your support have done the same for me.

Links:
Write on Fight On website | Jay’s website | Twitter | Facebook

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